HEY HEY HEY! Merry EVERYTHING! So this is a biggie. Forgiveness is a tough one for all of us. Believe me — I’ve suffered from the exhaustion of holding onto grievances for far too long and one thing I know, it ain’t helpin no one. Learning how to tame and navigate this wild beast has been a great gift of learning and letting go and it still leaves me scratching my head. I had a tough conversation with someone over the weekend about some old old old anger they were harboring and just and wow. Trying to keep from going ape shit on them while at the same time trying to talk them out of this pit was quite the challenge. At the end of the conversation, I lost. My charm and wit changed nothing. They're still mad (I think maybe at me now too).….and life will go on.
What I reeeeeeallllly want to talk about is the question of why to forgive at all.
There was a wonderful moment on a reel I recently saw, where a man raised this question: "My wife lied to me, and cheated on me, and left me, and destroyed our family — but I still have to pay her alimony every month, and it makes me furious. Do I have to forgive her?" The expert response: "No! Absolutely not. You definitely do not have to forgive her. You can hold onto your anger forever. It's up to you."
It's a CHOICE. Forgiveness is not a requirement; it's a choice. You can forgive somebody, or you can hold on your anger forever. That's the choice. It's entirely up to you. But at some point, you have to ask yourself whether that anger is really serving you — and if that's the platform that you want to base your emotional life upon forever. What do you lose by saying, "I am ready to let this anger go?" Does it make you weaker, to let go of your anger and your need to be the virtuous one? Or does it make you stronger? Easy answer.
When I look at other people who are holding onto their anger, it is so clear to me that this energy is destroying them. When I see other people who are holding onto their need to be "the right one", refusing to let it go, it's completely obvious that they are not living their life in peace (AT ALL) or focusing on what really matters. When I look at other people who live in the past, keeping their old grievances alive forever, it's so obvious that they are only hurting themselves. It happens, but there’s hope for all of us.
When I observe the unbelievable courage and power of people who have forgiven others, it makes me want to bow down at their feet, and learn how to be so brave and so good. And when people have forgiven ME for my misdeeds, I am so grateful — because we all long to be forgiven, and we all need to be forgiven. So I know all that. And yet STILL, I held onto my own lack of forgiveness.
Yet STILL — even with all the evidence that forgiveness is an act of liberation, grace, courage, humanity, and the highest possible human evolution — At times, I STILL wanted the privilege to hold onto MY gosh darn anger, to keep MY stubborn need to be the "right one" alive forever, to keep MY grievances burning forever... In other words, I could see easily how other people's lack of forgiveness harms the world, but I could not see how my own lack of forgiveness was harming ME.
That's because we get hung up on our own storyline — hung up on how wrong that other person was, hung up on how unfair that situation was, hung up on how right I was, addicted to how hurt I was. A wise woman once said, "Refusal to forgive is an act of violence that you commit against yourself." The only person who is harmed by your lack of forgiveness is YOU.
KNOW THIS PARAGRAPH TO BE TRUE. When you forgive somebody, you are not saying that you approve of their behavior. You are not saying that what they did was right. You are not saying that you will ever allow them to harm you again. You are not even saying that you would welcome them back into your life (and in many cases, that's not even an option — because sometimes the people whom we most need to forgive are long dead.) You are only saying that you will not allow your anger and your pain to control your life anymore. Because your anger and your pain are poison. Even if they are "justified", they are poisonous to your heart. And when you refuse to forgive somebody, they will control your life and hold ownership over your emotions forever — even if they are dead, or even if you haven't spoken to them for years.
Many times, we don't want to forgive somebody because we don't want to give them some form of pass, but your act of forgiveness HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THEM. Your act of forgiveness is a gift of courage and liberation that you give to yourself. It's a blessing you offer yourself. It's not about what they deserve; it's about what you deserve. Because you want to be FREE. So this is where the difficult journey toward forgiveness begins — with the idea that you deserve to be free. Just learning that — these basic notions — I could already feel myself softening. Because that's all I really want — to be FREE. I hope the same for you. Have a happy day and thanks so so so much for reading. Feel free to share, like and comment if you’re inclined!
When effort meets imagination, only then will success truly blossom.
HEY! Happy Everything to Everyone! I hope this tale I’m about to tell delights you & in some way serves you well. So in a recent book I read, Napoleon Hill’s, The Law of Success, one of the chapters hit me in all the right ways. It involves the answer to an age old question…the keys to the kingdom & the one answer if we all had, would have our lives looking much different & that is, what creates success? What is the most powerful secret ingredient? To me (and Napoleon) it’s where your imagination meets your effort. Where your actions & your dreams go hand and hand & a sonic boom occurs...fueling something you've been yearning to manifest for what seems like a thousand lifetimes. You can ask anyone who truly thrived & they will give you some version of this concept. You must dream it, believe it and TAKE ACTION. If it’s meant to be, it won’t feel like work. God how I love this process. Why? It reassures a theory I learned a version of this back in my youth (somewhere around the time where I’m pictured above with my sister Tammy & B.I.L, Tom) from one of the men I admire most on earth, Dick Hayne, CEO & Founder of Urban Outfitters.
I was lucky enough to work for Urban in the early 90's in their wholesale showroom. At that time, there were only a handful of Urbans & one Anthro. Those were the good old days. I was just entering my early twenties. Finding this company & it’s culture lit up & shifted the Patti Universe kinda like in the way Nirvanna did in the music scene back in the early 90’s. To me, Urban Outfitters was full of wonder. It still is to me to this very day. It allowed me to tap into senses & grow euphoric from flavors I never knew existed.
I worked for the Free People Wholesale Team (where I am pictured above in a shirt from the line, aptly named "Pop Floral Printed Nylon") as an assistant to the president, Michael Schultz & to all of the salespeople. So Michael, otherwise known as "Shultzie" was the quintessential “garmento” (just google it). One of things I was responsible for was on some days, when he was too busy, I had to go down the 38th street & get Shultzie two hot dogs from the cart…two dirty water dogs with mustard & ketchup. The man was probably worth 20 or so mil (a buck 10 soaking wet)...but yeah...dirty water dogs lol. I proudly got him those dogs because when you’re hungry for success, there are no boundaries to what you will do. It was my honor to fetch his food. Becasue of that, he saw something in me. Although I was starting out & somewhat of a mess at times, Shultzie always believed in me. He would always say to me, “you’re going places” & one of my proudest moments in life was when visited me later on in my career at my store, Funk & Standard, in downtown Red Bank.
So anyways, working in the NYC garment district culture was a tough environment. I took some hits there. Everyone did. I met some of the coolest humans who had such a profound impact on my life. Also some of the toughest. Also at times, some who tested me the most. Terrie K, Kenny, Adrienne, Beth, Mary Joya....just to name a few. They were all beautiful, smart, super cool, driven & everything they did felt like style gospel to me. Sidebar: they all liked some of the COOLEST music I had never heard. A simple scan through the showroom CD collection was the ultimate reminder I knew nothing until then & this is all just above and beyond anything I ever knew existed. I went into that place feeling so awkward & uncool & left colored in & forever changed. I still often wonder, what kind of meaning my life even had before listening to Bjork, Massive Attack, Portishead & Jeff Buckly's Grace.
This arena I was in was really was no place for wimps or the uncool. You either jump in & swam or went back through the tunnel to Jersey to work at Contempo Casuals. There was little regard for feelings or safe spaces or political correctness. You just kept going. Offended? Hurt? Insulted? Go. There's a line of people waiting at the door who will take your job in a second. I didn't mind one bit. I did everything I was asked. I gave 1000%. My only objective was to keep working towards my goal. To keep working towards success & fulfillment (still on that ride by the way and probably will be until the day I die). We had a job to do & we GOT IT DONE. To sell cool clothes to all the major department stores, small mom & pop boutiques & anything in-between. NYC was bustling & vibrant & I felt so alive being apart of this tribe. If you fell short, it wasn't pretty, Truth? Thats ok. I wouldn't change a thing. I worked the hardest & I learned the most. So much of that job defined who I am to this day. it was pure hipster magic to me.
So the point of the story. One chilly December (probs about 1994), we all hopped in a car & made way from thte center of the garment district in Midtown Manhattan to somewhere in the heart of. “I don’t know where” Pennsylvania to enjoy a holiday fete at the owner of the Urban Outfitters empire, Dick Hayne (just google him if you wanna learn more). This is where I was about to receive the greatest piece of advise that I will ever embrace to this day. The scene was cool & hip & beautiful & I was just so impressed. You always know it's gonna be a good time when you walk into a house & there's a coy pond in the foyer. It was like nothing I had ever seen. So me being me, after mingling a bit, I marched right up to the King himself, Dick Hayne, introduced myself, shook his hand & we got to chatting. I explained to him my dream of owning a chain of clothing stores someday & he said one fateful line to me that I'll never forget. He said "Patti, it's very simple. Your success will be part hard work, part good luck." I'll say that again. Success is part hard work, part good luck. It's where opportunity meets action & that chance needs to find you prepared & working or you're basically screwed out of that opportunity. Life went on & so did I.
Cut to 30 years later. I am fulfilled, continue to strive for continued success & am forever having these meaningful chats on personal growth. In the Good Soul lobby one day a yoga student & awesome friend to Manny & I, Robert & I were exchanging book ideas & he mentioned one of his favorites was The Laws of Success by Napoleon Hill. Because I've studied his bestseller, "The Science of Getting Rich", it got my attention and once again, find myself being totally hit by his writing in all the best ways....one of which is being encouraged to understand the importance of the imagination & the use of our thoughts...and from there, the crucial component of how WE MUST take action. There is simply no other way. We must honor our dreams, come up with a plan, write it down & yes, take steps both big & small everyday to reach our goal. This is non-negotiable.
So version of this message just keeps on hitting me & I gotta share even more to really drive this point home. As most humans my age, I continue on this journey. through our my blessed life I’ve seen many a triumph, a few tragedy & a whole lotta blessings. One thing I know for certain, when the GOOD LUCK shows up for me, it will find me WORKING HARD & READY TO GO thanks to Dick Hayne, Napolean Hill & me (hello Snoop Dog) for showing up with a clear focus & a strong work ethic.
So a highlight to The Laws of Success is this great poem written by Ella Wheeler Wilcox. I hope you get as much out of it as I do. I’ve printed it our & read it regularly & suggest you do the same… If you are EVERY looking for a dose of inspo please feel free to reach out to me & we can unpack your magic & put it to good use. I would be more then happy to assist! LOVE YOU GUYS! Have a great read through this & again, ENJOY & BIG LOVE TO YOU ALL!
I hold it true that thoughts are things
Endowed with bodies, breath, and wings,
And that we send them forth to fill
The world with good results - or ill.
That which we call our secret thought
Speeds to the earth's remotest spot,
And leaves its blessings or its woes
Like tracks behind it as it goes.
It is God's law. Remember it
In your still chamber as you sit
With thoughts you would not dare have known,
And yet made comrades when alone.
These thoughts have life; and they will fly
And leave their impress by-and-by,
Like some marsh breeze, whose poisoned breath
Breathes into homes its fevered breath.
And after you have quite forgot
Or all outgrown some vanished thought,
Back to your mind to make its home,
A dove or raven, it will come.
Then let your secret thoughts be fair;
They have a vital part and share
In shaping worlds and moulding fate --
God's system is so intricate.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox
My greatest lesson from my Mom & Dad.
Well Helloooooooooo....Thank you for clicking!!! It means the world to me!!! So happy reading to you awesome Friends!!! So if you know me for more than a minute or two, you'll know how much the love of my parents has shaped me. Like most, I cherish the life & times spent with them & without question, my biggest upset was losing them. As my husband & I often say, any fool can make a baby, but being a MOM or DAD takes TRUE selflessness, tough love and ALL OF YOUR heart & soul. I learned this from the BEST!
Miss them? Huh. Total understatement. I've been feeling the feelings more then usual as of late & thought I would share some of my biggest take-aways & lessons learned. I hope you get tons out of the echoes they left behind & digest something you really needed.
So not just these days, but whenever I’m feeling challenged, without fail, my Mom & Dad are in my head, helping me adapt. After enduring a new house build (NOT for the faint at heart) life seems to be tapping us on the shoulder & reminding me just how extraordinary they were. How fantastically they kept it together while navigating my sisters & I through life. While people and stressors and challenges that try to get in the way on the ride life takes us on, they always kept us feeling safe, secure and loved like no other. They were the finest people I know & here are some of the things I love most....so cuddle up & read on!
My parents lead their family by example. When my sisters & I were hurting or felt targeted, they never perpetuated our fears and sadness. They brought light to the situation & empowered us. They lead us to solutions and taught us to give people grace. They could be tough at times, but as life would have it, that's when I saw the most growth. They always held us accountable for our mistakes and taught us to never point fingers or play victim. They never targeted others or attempted to make people small in order to give themselves a level up. If they has something to say, they said it to your face. They were bold & far from passive aggressive. The extent of my father's Facebook knowledge was it's stock value & that's exactly where he liked it. They never worried about what others did or didn't have. They didn't have the time to. They were too were busy cultivating growth & living life the way it should be lived...in service to others and lighting the way for us. They saw the good in everyone & everything. They expressed gratitude everyday. They worked hard, loved selflessly & gave without hope or agenda. Their legacy will live on for many generations to come.
We all know people like this. I was lucky enough to call them Mom & Dad. I thank God for them everyday & would give just about anything to have them back even for a moment. Please guys. Love those around you. Give little energy or attention to negative patterns. Give people grace. Most notably, the tough ones. Try to make every moment count and embrace your grattitude for everything on any given day. You never know what tomorrow will bring.
Have a HAPPY DAY! Harness your power & LOVE THE WORLD YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO BE APART OF!
Making BIG decisions when opposites attract.
The Couch Conflict
Greetings & Salutations Friends! This is funny & tricky & we all gotta deal with some version of it when we share our existence with anyone. Husband, wife, co-worker, class mate, yoga buddy...we all gotta share the same space at some point with others...so let's deep dive into compromise when we don't see eye to eye.
What do you do when you love someone so much...like...more then words can say & you can't agree on something important? Many-a-times back as a youngin, I remember knowing couples who couldn't agree on having kids & well...to me, that is the ultimate deal breaker. Tricia & Rob were the CUTEST couple, but sadly had to split because of the kid conflict. She wanted kids. He didn't. This break up? It was just not at all right. They were so in love. I always swore that neither of them would ever be the same, love the same or act the same after this very sad split. When they split...something was off. We all tried to help, intervene, offer solutions, but nothing seemed to work. From that dreaded Tricia & Rob debacle, every other spousal disagreement seemed easy to me....most common conflicts are easily resolvable.
When Manny & I moved in together, our biggest challenge was he insisted that there be no dogs on the couches or the bed. I wanted the opposite. I think it was the first & only time I wondered...is he the one for me? My mind went immediately back to the "kids" conflict & my friends Tricia & Rob. Thankfully, Manny gave in & to this day, we all gather on the bed at night in a big pile of love! He may complain at times, but I know he wouldn't have it any other way. Like our pups, most things can be compromised. Which brings me to this...THE COUCH CONFLICT which I am in the throws of. If you've walked through the Good Soul lobby anytime recently, you've probably heard me crying about it.
So as Mark Manson so brilliantly put in his book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*&%, basically, you have to take the good with the bad. In other words, if you want to be in a successful ANYTHING...it's not can you do it, it's can you endure the many challenges that getting to the peak presents. In this case, if you want a husband who is loyal, caring, present, happy to be around you & willing to enthusiastically play an active role in the household happenings, he's ALSO going to (most likely) want to have a voice in most decisions.
Well, my husband is just that. From the day we met he is available to lovingly do anything from watch Netflix to decide on what's for dinner. He's my best friend, my partner, my true companion. I love all of this. I live for all of this. I am a hopeless romantic who happens to be CRAZY ABOUT HIM...but here's the rub, he want's to have an equal say in the color & style & vibe of our home decor & furniture. Oh how we differ. He wants comfort & practicality & I want it to look really good & feel really good. I was in shock. I'll never forget when I first moved here & I went out and got us a outdoor sectional & when I returned home thinking he would be over the moon excited, he was terribly miffed that he didn't have a say. He doesn't like "U" shaped couches & how could I possibly do such a thing without his consent. I was heartbroken. What I'm used to is a my dad not caring the LEAST about how my mother chose to decorate the house. He would hand her the check book & be on his way. I will say, HOWEVER, he was always busy at work, spent little of his waking hours at home & until the day he died, probably didn't know my age...he was THE BEST, just in different ways then Manny.
Back to today. We are on the tail end of building a house & all sorts of decisions need to be made. While I love a good Joybird, Anthro/Urban Outfitters, West Elm with a splash of Ikea to water things down a bit, he's more of the Big Lots, Lazy-Boy, man cave type vibe (GREAEEAAAT). I have a vision of a big beautiful fluffy white Cloud Couch form Restoration...he's seeing a dark brown puffy leather looking thing ("stadium seating"?). And I cry. I want to make him happy, but at the same time...I WANT TO BEEEEE HAPPY. I love fashion and decor & I love to make a heart flutter with a magical vibe & that includes (probably more then anything) when you walk into my house. The house we are building (which I've so aptly named, the Bohemian Bungalow) is an open floor plan & what I DON'T want people to see when they walk in is the couch equivalent to a football plopped center in our space. Turns out I'm not alone. A simple Google search will tell you that many-a-couples suffer from COUCH CONFLICT. I found many articles written by women in a similar predicament. Le sigh....
Thankfully, in 2023, it's not your Mama's Lazy-Boy & there is a happy medium they we will find. Creating parameters & finding a few options is what every women agrees on. Side bar, my friend Maryann explained to me that one of her stipulations with her husband Ian was, "THERE WILL BE NO BUILT IN CUP HOLDERS IN ANY OF OUR FURNITURE". I cry, but this time, laughing.
One night last week, I got a rapid fire of emails from Manny (as he sat right next to me) with links to, what I would consider, the MOST GOD AWFUL looking couches I have ever seen. I immediately texted my friend Sandy something along the lines of..."I'm having a nervous breakdown, I can't breathe & something like...please help me". When she figured out that I was ok & it was just couches, she just laughed & also suggested the multiple choice solution. After showing the images to various women in the studio, I thought I might make a video montage of their reactions...all, priceless.
So here's where I'm at. Here's the moral of the story...compromise. Make it easy. I can agree to the leather, but a recliner will be off to the side. Like I said, Lazy Boy has come a long was & they have some sleek stuff that I can live with. There will be no cup holders (which we have now ahahahah) so that I can rest my head in his lap when we watch movies. With the right pillow & area rug (multiple choice completed successfully last week) everything else fun that defines the vibe of a room, I'll be happy, he'll be happy & we'll enjoy watching Netflix being comfy cozy on a couch we both love knowing full & well, we did it with a mutual respect for each others needs in this perfect collaboration we call, our marriage.
So yes, what I will do is compile, yet another, collage of about 4-6 couches that I love & let him decide. Let's pray it works. Ladies & Gentleman I am willing to talk you off a COUCH CONFLICT (or insert your very own personal situation) should you need me to. Thank you for being here. Thank you for letting me share all of this. TOGETHER GUYS...WE CONTINUE TO RISE & dance with life together in the process. Have the happiest day! Love love love love you guys!
*PS this was a blog post written this past spring & in light of the new blog format, I though I would share due to it's overwhelming feedback.
Imma say this again for the beauties in the back. SUCCESS IS LIKING YOURSELF, LIKING WHAT YOU DO AND LIKING HOW YOU DO IT. - Maya Angelou
WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. WOW. So much to unpack on this one. It's a FUN ONE! ...but first, happy EVERYTHING Friends!
So this line of thinking means so much. Leave it to Maya to spell it out just right. For me, most of my time is spent having my eye on the prize. I'm not talking cars and designer handbags and fancy things, but more....finding fulfillment in being PERFECTLY ME and being happy as a clam doing it. my gosh…the road was long. It took forever for me to admit that I kinda like me. Please know, not in a boastful, I'm King S%*T kinda way...there are plenty of things about me that need fixing, but I'm cool with them all. Within them lies aaaaaalllll the wisdom. So how do I move through the tough stuff & uncertainty? I set some goals and got to work. In this process, I've been handed some blessings and challenges, but the "ideal me" will forever be in the works and DAMN...it feels good to process it all! Allowing myself to blossom is a privilege I truly believe I have earned at this ripe old age. It's taken a lot of time and I still have a ways to go. For sure I still have shitty days so there's that. Seriously, I can't believe I'm 51! (I still feel like I'm 17...but I'll save that for another blog post) All that being said, the BEST thing I’ve learned so far I'm not afraid anymore. So high time I start putting all those miles I've earned to work....FOR YOU GUYS. FOR THE WORLD AROUND ME.
The struggle is real guys. As women (and men too), we've always been taught by society to be "not too this and not too that but focus on this and you have to be more of that". Exhausting. The reality is, you have to know who you are and know what you want. So about 15 years ago here's what I did (because I wasn't quite happy enough being me…like, AT ALL)... After lots of yoga and prayer and reading and turning inward and LOTS LOTS LOTS of self help reading, I marched myself down to Anthropologie in Shrewsbury, NJ, bought myself an overpriced journal (a very pretty overpriced journal)….and in that journal, I wrote down who I want to be, how I want to feel, what I what to represent and yes, the things in life I would like to have. It's about 100 pages in length fully outfitted with pictures and quotes and intentions and goals and plans and dreams. What did Henriette Anne Klauser say? "Write it down, make it happen". So that's just what I did! I TELL YOU, IT WORKS! We all just need a solid plan! That's the secret sauce!
Whatever it is you want from your life....whether it's a ham sandwich or a Bugati...a Monet, immersion blender, turntable with a huge record collection or a meditation alter...it's YOURS. You are the architect. You are the curator. YOU GET TO DECIDE. Just walk in it. There is nothing in the world that is stopping you from living the life that you LIKE - liking how you do it. We have journals in the Good Soul lobby. Why? For exactly this! To allow you to articulate your hearts desire for all the world to hear. Come up with a plan because as we all know, it will NOT just come knocking at your door and you must be an active participant in the development of any all of your achievements. From there take massive action, be honest and ethical while in the process, be prepared for alternate opportunities that might or might not involve rejection, trust the process and let it all flow your way. All the gifts. All the things. All the love. All the adventure.
While on the upswing, don't feel guilty. Don't let people who are on a different path shame you into believing "you've changed". Don't let people tell you that you had a leg up and you don't deserve it. They have no idea what you've endured. A lot of people have rich daddies and good looks. That simply doesn't matter. That won't guarantee you anything other then a fancy Christmas dinner or cat calls on the street. Don't allow yourself to be small to protect someone else's fragile state. The BEST thing you can do is live fully and inspire them. The WORST thing you should do is flip them the bird and put them down. Don’t be a mean person. RISE. RISE. RISE and inspire them to do the same. Don't jump in the sandbox and act in any way that's not empowering to you or those around you. Even those who seem to be pushing against you. They were put there for good reason. To teach you. Remember, we are all mirrors.
I write all of this full aware that the plug can be pulled and the world can bottom out below me at any given ttime, but the best part is, I'm not afraid. I know there is not a thing in the world that I can't handle. It may get muddy and sticky and heavy at times, but that's what life is. I want to drink up all of it. I will stay humble, grateful and fully prepared for whatever comes my way. THIS is the time when I refrence my Anthtro journal which remains my guiding light to this day. My life has shifted, some of my goals have changed, but the underlying message is there. I know who I am, what I want & where I wanna be. I love you guys. Stay strong. Love the world around you. BE honest. Success in not a dirty word. Design what that looks like for you and WALK IN IT! Remember, write it down. Make it happen.
Wanna change your world? Oh Honey, just be kind!
HELLO BEAUTIFUL! YES…YOU! Oh so many times in our lives, we're on the receiving end of a person's anger. As littles, we don't realize this behavior is a reflection of how a person felt inside and wasn’t about us at all.
For me, I thought people were angry because I wasn’t good enough or I had done something wrong. I felt like if I could just be perfect enough or sweet enough, maybe they would love me. I tried and tried, but trying to be perfect didn’t work. It actually made things worse because I was left feeling super frustrated. It’s taken me many many moons to realize that I’m responsible for my own behavior and can’t control others perceive me or how they treat me. I now focus on behaving with kindness to everyone and my relationships have improved dramatically. It’s not always easy, but so many methods have helped. If someone triggers fear and anxiety, don’t respond until you are calm. This is always hard for me. I wanna fix it NOW!
Reacting to someone rather than responding from a place of calm rarely goes well. I’ve learned that I don’t have to answer every question. I can say, “Let’s shelf this until. later on,” and come back after I’ve cooled off. Viva la difference!
When someone projects their. rough stuff and bad feelings onto you, it’s okay to walk away. I came to the realization that I was walking into certain situations in a state of frustration or I was feeling competitive; I was completely fueling the fire. An amazing thing happened when I stopped walking in that way…I found it to be contagious! It seemed to positively affect everyone’s energy. There is a sense of peace in our interactions that wasn’t there before.
Now, when I walk into any situation at the studio or with family, I check my attitude when I walk in the door. Often, that makes a big difference. When you don’t add your fuel to the fire, sometimes the fire goes out. Don’t make up stories about the motivations of others. I’ve come to understand that a lot of the things I think in my head aren’t true.
If a friend calls and cancels, I tell myself it’s because she doesn’t want to hang out with me. If my husband is in a bad mood, I tell myself it’s because he’s unhappy with me. I don’t know any of those things. They are only stories in my head. These stories create defensiveness in me, which creates conflict where none exists. There are a million reasons people might cancel plans or be in a bad mood. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you.
You can’t make another person happy or unhappy. Another person cannot make you happy or unhappy. A person’s happiness comes from their own thoughts and behavior, not what someone else is doing. The next time someone does something and you assume you know why, question whether you really know if that’s true. Try love first.
Most people are doing the best they can based on what life has taught them. We are all in this together and at our core, we are basically good. Hatred and anger cannot wipe out hatred and anger. But sometimes love and understanding can. I was always waiting for an apology or a change in behavior from the other person. Sometimes it has to begin with you. Sometimes, you have to accept the fact that the other person may never change. What is hurting you most is your behavior toward them. Changing that will help you feel better. Resentment will poison you from the inside. Forgive the other person for yourself. Let the anger go. Amazingly, sometimes that also changes the other person. But you have to go first.
Love is worth a try. Give it a shot. Set boundaries when needed. Part of learning to love yourself is learning to listen to your gut and speak your truth. If someone is being unkind to you, say something. Don’t let others treat you poorly. Treat yourself with love and compassion. Don’t blame, criticize, or complain. Calmly state your boundaries. Sometimes, relationships don’t work out. Sometimes, you need stronger boundaries. But changing your behavior instead of waiting for the world to change gives you back your personal power.
Come from kindness and watch your world change. Have the MOST fantastic day! Thank you so much for reading my rant!